Orochimaru's Bad Hair Day
by chibibaka1
Summary: Orochimaru gets "experimented" on by Anko when she secretly leaves him a shampoo bottle that gives him the powers of Medusa. Despite his love for snakes, Orochimaru is not happy to have them crawling out of his precious hair. Crack fic. Happy Birthday Oro


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, nor do I own Medusa and her powers. Happy Birthday Oro and a belated one to Anko!

*

It was a quiet evening in the Sound Village. After an admittedly hard day of going over the intricate details of Uchiha Sasuke's life with the Sound Four in preparation for their infiltration of Konoha, in which they expressed profound interest in his seemingly odd obsession with the boy over the actual briefing itself, Orochimaru was left feeling exhausted to no end. The Sound Four were valued for their ability to act as one, the perfect unison of their actions along with their individual qualities were why Orochimaru valued them; being on the receiving end of their unstoppable team work to get the "real" reason why he was so desperate to possess "Sasuke-kun" and his body made them more trouble than they were worth. Orochimaru laid peacefully asleep, mumbling inaudible phrases about Sasuke, when he abruptly fell off the bed—how unlike him to have done such a thing!

Kabuto, who was conveniently heading in the direction of Orochimaru's room, ran in after hearing the load thud that was his master.

"Orochimaru-sama! What happened? Are you alright?"

Orochimaru groggily wiped his eyes to stare at Kabuto through half squinted eyes. "Sasuke-kun…?"

No answer.

"…Sasuke-kun?"

As sleep slowly drained from his once tired eyes, Orochimaru's eyes widened slightly to find that Kabuto had turned to stone!

Orochimaru walked proudly over to Kabuto, endlessly curious to find out about this strange new jutsu he somehow magically came to possess. Kabuto, unfortunately, was on the receiving end of said jutsu. Orochimaru smirked triumphantly as he realized he now had the ability to use doujutsu techniques. This was far better than the Sharingan! All shinobi were naturally afraid of his intense golden eyes and their penetrating gaze that sent even jonin away cowering in fear. Yes, now he has achieved a new level—a power that was created seemingly overnight.

After tapping Kabuto's stone-grey body a few times, he happened to glance at his reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall. To his utmost surprise, there were snakes wriggling out of his hair! Green, slinky snakes crawled from every inch of his head. They twirled and looped in all directions.

Orochimaru stared admiringly at the lovely snakes crawling out of his hair, until he realized that they were in _his _hair! "Oh, no you don't," he cried. "Anywhere_, anywhere_ but my precious hair!" Losing his beautiful, silky-smooth hair that defined the pinnacle of perfection to snakes was too much for him to bear.

Orochimaru ran down the hall to the bathroom in order to (sadly) exterminate the snakes from his precious hair. He completely forgot about Kabuto at this point. Kabuto was frozen in time, turned to stone, as his master ran in a state of panic to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, Orochimaru noticed a peculiar shaped shampoo bottle with snakes on it he didn't recognize. After looking at it further, he realized that it was the same bottle he used to wash his hair the night before. He figured Kabuto had bought the new shampoo for him to add extra bounce to the long hair that he loved so very much. Looking at it now, he realized it wasn't from Kabuto. Next to the bottle was a small note with an insignia of a stick pierced by three small circles.

To his utter horror, the post-it note read:

Dear Oro-sensei,

I hope you enjoy the new "jutsu" I invented. It gives whoever uses it the power of Medusa—snakes in hair, stone-turning stare…I couldn't think of anyone better to "test it out on" than you. You know, experiment. I did have some help from Hokage-same, though. I thought your "precious hair" could use some "fixing up." And I hope I didn't cause you any trouble? Like having you turn Kabuto to stone or anything? Consider it a birthday gift from your favorite student ever.

Much Love,

Anko ^_^

p.s: You owe me 52 sticks of dango for ruining my snack during the Chuunin Exams. Consider it an investment.

p.p.s: Tsunade says hi ^_^ She was very happy to participate as my research consultant in this. I especially enjoyed hearing the _fascinating_ stories she told from when you were younger and on a team with her and Jiraiya. You were so adorable in those pictures she showed me. If only I had those pictures years ago, they would have made great blackmail.

Orochimaru dropped the paper and it floated gently down to the ground. "I hate bad hair days! I'm going back to bed!"

*

A/N: The idea for this came from the early episodes of the Forest of Death part of the Chuunin Exams in which Anko through a kunai at Naruto and sliced a strand of Orochimaru's hair. Orochimaru's expression was priceless, the way he looked like he was going to murder Anko for cutting off a piece of his hair. I personally think Orochimaru has perfect hair, but it was too funny not to develop a crack fic from it.


End file.
